Enlightened or Unenlightened?

The following experience, written some time ago is what eventually led me to be interested in making a change in the educational system by running for School Board in the Fairbanks North Star Borough School District. I have come a long way since this was written, and I feel ready to make a difference.

“Let me show in a figure how far our nature is enlightened or unenlightened:-Behold! human beings living in an underground [cave]...” Thus begins Book VII of Plato's Republic. These prisoners are chained so their heads cannot turn, a fire is behind them casting shadows on the wall from objects carried in front of it. These prisoners see the shadows before them and hear those who are carrying the objects conversing. They assume the echoes are the voices of the shadows themselves. They have contests in which they name the different shadows and bestow honors upon those that identify the shadows the quickest or guess which shadows will come next.

One of these prisoners is released and dragged out of the cave into the sun. He is at first blinded. Gradually his eyes become accustomed to seeing shadows, then reflections, then objects themselves, and finally he is able to see the sun in the sky, the source of his sight. He returns to his former companions and excitedly announces his discoveries. He can no longer see clearly the shadows in the dim light of the cave. “He has returned blind!” they exclaim and refuse to listen to his tales. To them the shadows are real, the echoes are real. This man, in leaving his place, lost his sight, and perhaps, his mind. This does not, however, make the world outside the cave any less real.

I began a serious study of truth nearly two years ago. My learning has been different than I expected it to be. I was expecting great knowledge, the memorization of many things that would help me be, or appear to be, smarter. However, I studied and studied and studied, and nothing ever came, I never became 'smart'. I haven't been able to understand Euclid, I haven't been able to pick out every subtle theme in a book and argue with it's suppositions. Instead, the opposite happened. I felt as if all the 'smarts' I had, started to disappear. I was going backwards. In my quest for knowledge I felt as if I was actually losing knowledge.

Before this I had every fact, every bit of knowledge pigeonholed into a specific compartment and it all fit together nicely in my universe. Then I started to read, study, discuss, and above all, THINK...my universe was shattered, nothing fit perfectly into it's little compartment anymore. Everything ran together and created chaos inside of me. It was agonizing, heartbreaking, humiliating. In this condition, I turned to a series of Liberal Arts courses offered by Face to Face with Greatness Seminars, Inc. Readings were chosen from The Great Books of the Western World, a set of books designed to allow any individual the ability to become self-reliant thinkers rather than automatons of popular thought. Most of the works assigned for the first class I had read before, and reading them again didn't have immediate impact on me. I had three weeks after reading them, to think about them, to refer back to them, to read everything I could find about them and their authors, and to prepare to write about them. I still wasn't smart, and I had no idea what to write for the paper required for this class. I was feeling down and depressed and ignorant of everything. I wondered what was wrong with me. Why did other people claim such great knowledge and ideas when reading? I could read and not even be able to intelligently express what the book was actually about, even if I thoroughly enjoyed it.

One evening while preparing for my paper, my mind was opened, I experienced a large 'aha' or a paradigm shift. I don't understand everything yet, I don't see everything, but I believe that the true quest is not to fill my mind with facts and information that I might gratify my pride with great knowledge. The first real object of this quest, this education, is to see myself. To see myself as I really am, not the lying mask I put on to feel good about myself, and not the torturous inner hell that is all my evil, but to simply see me and my capacity for greatness. In greatness I mean, on one hand, my great capacity to do good, and on the other hand, my great capacity to do evil, both ever available to my choices. I don't have to hide from myself anymore, from my potential to do great evil. And in so doing, I no longer need to hide from my capacity to do great good.

The second object of this education, is to make myself. Make myself into what, I do not yet know, but I trust that when my vision becomes accustomed to the bright light of truth, I will discover it. I suppose that when I arrive at a point where I know what to make myself, I will find myself already made into it, not by me, but by God. My experiences and studies will have already brought me to be the person He wants me to be, a true leadership education will have made, me.

My journey has been painful, very different than I expected, and sometimes, agonizingly slow. I can see now that the destruction of the shadows on the wall is what led me to believe that I was going backwards, that I was losing the knowledge I already had. I can not see the shadows so well anymore after being exposed to such great light. Unfortunately, neither can I see outside the cave very well. What I needed was someone who can see in the light to lead me around a little. I found this in Dr. Shanon Brooks and his Liberal Arts class. He didn't take me by the hand and lead me around, naming all the new objects in this new world like I expected. I suppose if he did, I would again make false assumptions considering my blurry vision and I might be content in my new-found ignorance. Instead he simply let me know that there were great things out there, let me wander around, and offered an occasional word to help me avoid pitfalls. Because of this, my education has really changed me, rather than adding to my facade of knowledge.

Now I ask you, how far is your nature enlightened or unenlightened? Do you really know? There is a whole universe beyond the cave and I believe leadership education can help. I know the shadows are very distracting and the journey is hard and frightening, but it is so worth it. I will help you along the way to the best of my ability, I am just beginning to see.

Life is different outside of the cave, and I will never live there again. I agree with Socrates, “Better to be the poor servant of a poor master, and to endure anything, rather than think as they do and live after their manner.”